Tuesday, 9 February 2016
Sigh =3 .....
I kinda went on a mad rant the other day. It was like the only way to feel better was to write about it other than killing someone. I chose the latter because I and pretty sure I'm not gonna survive in jail. Anywho, everytime my family finds some way to mess with my head I go on a rant and then drown out the world with Disney and or glee songs, Lame right? But there is just something about doing my craft or reading while listing to the music, somewhat calming. If not Disney or glee songs its songs from musicals. I have heard just about all except 'Sound of Music', I can't seem to stand that movie.
Saturday, 30 January 2016
"I'M GONNA PICK THE WORLD UP AND DROP IT ON IT'S FUCKING HEAD!"
It seems that my life is forever going to be filled with misses. since the ending of October of last year, I have been in this endless roller coaster of hospitals, drug stores and elderly homes. My mother had another stroke and low and behold I'm at it again with the constant running round. All because she believed herself to be super woman. Aren't parents suppose to care about their health coming down to the time of their life where their body isn't that of a spring chicken anymore?
There is this thing people in my family like to do all the time. They will come to me for advice or just someone to talk to, in instances I will give a little insight on what is the proper way to go about something or I would just say I don't know. But in the end they would trash my information in their brains and just do what strangers tell them just because what these people portray to them seem like a better faster way at achieving what they want than my slow and proper way. But as usual these type of fast fixes never last long and always end with someone being fucked! Not in a good way. What really 'grinds my gears' is that in the end they would make it full circle to come to me to complain about what happened to them and expect me to pull out my magic wand and some how fix it.
Would you believe they portray me as the villain when I give them the middle finger?
Lets go through the list now shall we: first we have my father, granted he came from practically nothing to a retired labourer who can sit at home comfortably watching football, but that doesn't explain this annoying habit of including me in shit that goes on with him and my brothers and mother. I have seen them fuck with his head on so many occasions and then come back easily like nothing they just said or did didn't happen, and he lets them. But if I so much as say something he doesn't agree with its total war between us. My mother is a total hypocrite who believes I was born to be her nanny and caretaker so she could do whatever the fuck she wants with me on the side lines with a wash cloth and a bucket to clean up her destruction and vomit. My eldest brother might have alziemers seeing as he only remembers people when he wants something, my second brother is probably having a mental breakdown and my younger is a talented little shit just the laziest human being on this entire earth.
This is what I have to deal with people, humans who get to enjoy life while I'm stuck with battling depression, an anorexic bank account and school. My craft business is suffering, I havn't been able to create or draw something in months, my legendary patience has become one of epic status seeing as I havn't snapped and shived someone yet. As of this moment I'm so wound up the safest thing for me to do is write away on my little blog I have been avoiding for a while. Everything I typed seems like a chore, like I'm lying. I feel like a failure who is slowly getting older, running out of time to achieve something that would finally make me happy.
My friends tell me I just need to be in a relationship. WTF! How do I say this without sounding like a total man hater, how the fuck is a man going to help me make more money, pay for a elderly home for my bed ridden mother, do a shit load of class assignments and make my crafts to sell? Isn't being in a relationship going to mean I have to make time to be with that person? Be interested in whatever stupid party he wants to go to every week? Try decoding what he is saying because I have no idea what the new slang words are? These things don't just happen with certain guys anymore, they all come with instruction manuals now. It's fucking exhausting. Don't get me wrong its not always the men at fault, its mostly me.
What I'm trying to say in all this rambling is that every month I seem to get by by the skin of my teeth and I over it. I done running behind my mother when she doesn't even listen to a word I say, I'm done being the sister who tries to help but is ignored because I not a ass to do all the work, I'm done being the daughter who checks up on a father who only shows appreciation with old talk. FUCK IT!
After today I'm going to have to live off of cup soup and water after paying the elderly home fees but at least I'm not going to feel like I like I'm failing by not dropping everything I'm doing to take care of everyone else again.
Oh yea, FUCK DEPRESSION TOO.
There is this thing people in my family like to do all the time. They will come to me for advice or just someone to talk to, in instances I will give a little insight on what is the proper way to go about something or I would just say I don't know. But in the end they would trash my information in their brains and just do what strangers tell them just because what these people portray to them seem like a better faster way at achieving what they want than my slow and proper way. But as usual these type of fast fixes never last long and always end with someone being fucked! Not in a good way. What really 'grinds my gears' is that in the end they would make it full circle to come to me to complain about what happened to them and expect me to pull out my magic wand and some how fix it.
Would you believe they portray me as the villain when I give them the middle finger?
Lets go through the list now shall we: first we have my father, granted he came from practically nothing to a retired labourer who can sit at home comfortably watching football, but that doesn't explain this annoying habit of including me in shit that goes on with him and my brothers and mother. I have seen them fuck with his head on so many occasions and then come back easily like nothing they just said or did didn't happen, and he lets them. But if I so much as say something he doesn't agree with its total war between us. My mother is a total hypocrite who believes I was born to be her nanny and caretaker so she could do whatever the fuck she wants with me on the side lines with a wash cloth and a bucket to clean up her destruction and vomit. My eldest brother might have alziemers seeing as he only remembers people when he wants something, my second brother is probably having a mental breakdown and my younger is a talented little shit just the laziest human being on this entire earth.
This is what I have to deal with people, humans who get to enjoy life while I'm stuck with battling depression, an anorexic bank account and school. My craft business is suffering, I havn't been able to create or draw something in months, my legendary patience has become one of epic status seeing as I havn't snapped and shived someone yet. As of this moment I'm so wound up the safest thing for me to do is write away on my little blog I have been avoiding for a while. Everything I typed seems like a chore, like I'm lying. I feel like a failure who is slowly getting older, running out of time to achieve something that would finally make me happy.
My friends tell me I just need to be in a relationship. WTF! How do I say this without sounding like a total man hater, how the fuck is a man going to help me make more money, pay for a elderly home for my bed ridden mother, do a shit load of class assignments and make my crafts to sell? Isn't being in a relationship going to mean I have to make time to be with that person? Be interested in whatever stupid party he wants to go to every week? Try decoding what he is saying because I have no idea what the new slang words are? These things don't just happen with certain guys anymore, they all come with instruction manuals now. It's fucking exhausting. Don't get me wrong its not always the men at fault, its mostly me.
What I'm trying to say in all this rambling is that every month I seem to get by by the skin of my teeth and I over it. I done running behind my mother when she doesn't even listen to a word I say, I'm done being the sister who tries to help but is ignored because I not a ass to do all the work, I'm done being the daughter who checks up on a father who only shows appreciation with old talk. FUCK IT!
After today I'm going to have to live off of cup soup and water after paying the elderly home fees but at least I'm not going to feel like I like I'm failing by not dropping everything I'm doing to take care of everyone else again.
Oh yea, FUCK DEPRESSION TOO.
Sunday, 22 November 2015
Books of the week! (I'm back!)
Most of you will know these young talented women from television and youtube.
"Mindy is a skilled OB/GYN and shares a practice with a few other
doctors, none of whom make life any easier for her. JEREMY REED (British
writer/comedian Ed Weeks) is the walking definition of total bad news.
He not only shares a practice with Mindy, but sometimes her bed as well -
despite her best efforts to resist. He is funny, self-absorbed and
super sexy. In contrast, DANNY CASTELLANO (Chris Messina, "Damages") is a
hothead and guys' guy who has a habit of stealing Mindy's patients.
Danny criticizes her for everything, including her struggling love life
and her lack of professionalism - even though it's obvious to everyone
except Mindy that he secretly admires her work. His blue-collar
childhood gives him a big chip on his shoulder, but he is a dedicated
physician, which Mindy can't stand to admit because he's always getting
on her case.
Rounding out the office staff are the receptionists - BETSY PUTCH (Zoe Jarman, "Huge"), young, earnest and easily excitable, who thinks the world of Mindy and is always trying to impress her; and SHAUNA DICANIO (newcomer Dana DeLorenzo), a self-assured Jersey Girl who is indifferent to Mindy, always knows where the cool party is and carries a poorly concealed torch for Danny.
Mindy is in constant communication with her beloved best friend from college, GWEN GRANDY (Anna Camp, "The Good Wife"), who also happens to be the governor's daughter. Gwen is a hilarious, sometimes too-blunt friend, and secretly a former carefree party girl (which only Mindy seems to remember). Although Gwen is now happily married to a financial analyst, with a six-year-old daughter, this lawyer-turned-Pilates mom remains squarely in Mindy's corner.
As Mindy attempts to get her career off the ground and meet a guy who passes her red flag test (no drug habits, no skinny jeans and no secret families, among others), only time will tell if she gets her romantic comedy ending."
MIS-ADVENTURES OF A AWKWARD BLACK GIRL
By Issa Rae
" In the bestselling tradition of Sloan Crosley’s I Was Told There’d Be Cake and Mindy Kaling’s Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?,
a collection of humorous essays on what it’s like to be unabashedly
awkward in a world that regards introverts as hapless misfits, and black
as cool.
My name is “J” and I’m awkward—and black. Someone once told me those were the two worst things anyone could be. That someone was right. Where do I start?
Being an introvert in a world that glorifies cool isn’t easy. But when Issa Rae, the creator of the Shorty Award–winning hit series “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl,” is that introvert—whether she’s navigating love, work, friendships, or “rapping”—it sure is entertaining. Now, in this debut collection of essays written in her witty and self-deprecating voice, Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all.
A reflection on her own unique experiences as a cyber pioneer yet universally appealing, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl is a book no one—awkward or cool, black, white, or other—will want to miss." GOODREADS
My name is “J” and I’m awkward—and black. Someone once told me those were the two worst things anyone could be. That someone was right. Where do I start?
Being an introvert in a world that glorifies cool isn’t easy. But when Issa Rae, the creator of the Shorty Award–winning hit series “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl,” is that introvert—whether she’s navigating love, work, friendships, or “rapping”—it sure is entertaining. Now, in this debut collection of essays written in her witty and self-deprecating voice, Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all.
A reflection on her own unique experiences as a cyber pioneer yet universally appealing, The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl is a book no one—awkward or cool, black, white, or other—will want to miss." GOODREADS
I first came into contact with this amazing woman through youtube, her web series 'The Mis-adventures of a Awkward Black Girl' had just started on it second season. I was forever a fan after the first episode. It was hilarious, down to earth and just plain awkward. I get the feeling that she was genuinely an awkward person and it was like looking at my life play out on the screen. Every episode I was like, 'That is so true', 'That happened to me too'.
When I heard she was writing a book the fan girl in me came out. I stalked its publishing day so hard if it was a person I would be in prison right now. When I heard she got picked up by HBO I felt proud, we don't even know each other and I was cheesing and applauding for her like I knew her from way back. I introduced her show to my friends and now we are basically the Issa Rae fan club based in Trinidad and Tobago.
When I had finally recieved the book I treated each page like spun gold. It took me a month to finish. Books usually get read in a day by me, that is to tell you how I wanted to drag it out just for the hell of it. Her book is an amazing read and I believe that the fact that I watched her show before reading the book made it so. If I could meet her face to face I would tell her the god honest truth that she is my idol and I wish her the best in every endeavor she pursues in the future.
On to the other amazing woman who has made my week day enjoyable.
Also through Youtube this sarcastic woman was introduced to me. The trailer for her show 'The Mindy Project' was in my to watch section. It was a bitch trying to find the show on DVD but when I did, I bought every single CD. I laugh the hardest when I'm watching her show. Everything that comes out of her mouth is pure hysteria.
Rounding out the office staff are the receptionists - BETSY PUTCH (Zoe Jarman, "Huge"), young, earnest and easily excitable, who thinks the world of Mindy and is always trying to impress her; and SHAUNA DICANIO (newcomer Dana DeLorenzo), a self-assured Jersey Girl who is indifferent to Mindy, always knows where the cool party is and carries a poorly concealed torch for Danny.
Mindy is in constant communication with her beloved best friend from college, GWEN GRANDY (Anna Camp, "The Good Wife"), who also happens to be the governor's daughter. Gwen is a hilarious, sometimes too-blunt friend, and secretly a former carefree party girl (which only Mindy seems to remember). Although Gwen is now happily married to a financial analyst, with a six-year-old daughter, this lawyer-turned-Pilates mom remains squarely in Mindy's corner.
As Mindy attempts to get her career off the ground and meet a guy who passes her red flag test (no drug habits, no skinny jeans and no secret families, among others), only time will tell if she gets her romantic comedy ending."
"Mindy Kaling has lived
many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid
chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating
Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and
actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with
the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear
I’ll shut up about it?”
Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly!
In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka" GOODREADS
Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly!
In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka" GOODREADS
This book is the only one I have read so far, it was so good I can't find it. Someone took it. Pure comedy, thats all I can say.
Sunday, 4 October 2015
I'M SORRY IS NEVER ENOUGH
I am a closed off woman
A quiet woman
A woman that never has good things to say
I want to be a good woman
A cherished woman
One who has no one held at bay
I can see this wonderful woman
This amazing woman
Just skipping and smiling just out of reach
But the road she is on is for a strong woman
A confidant woman
That woman who has something to teach
I just made that up in one minute. I started my Bachelors this month and one of my classes is an introductory class to poetry. To be honest the last time I did poetry was in form 1, ions ago. So with this class I'm behaving like those really depressing song writers and I have been writing about my life in songs and poetry.
It is really annoying. At least the ice-woman in me believes that.
Since this blog is about experiences and new things for me, I want to get something out of my system. I have a really fucked up way I view life in general. I know this, and I am at least sure that 50% of the people I associate with know this. I'm not some emo chick who goes around talking bout death and shit all day its just that I have become so good at suppressing my true self that this avatar I created so long ago that is so good at socializing with people is beginning to overtake my true personality and lately I don't even know where is up anymore.
That little poem I wrote is an example of what I am struggling with right now. Ever since I realized parents lie just about everything to their kids just so that they can get compliance from them I created a life goal for myself. And whenever I was stuck in a situation that required I choose a certain path, I always looked back on that goal and my path became clear to me. That goal was, and still is to some degree, to graduate from university, find that perfect career, build my dream home and settle down. I am sure almost every child has said such things before in their lifetime and some have achieved it and others have only gotten so far.
I am still working my way through all the fudder that got thrown at me when I graduated secondary school so my plans got mixed up a little and the order in which things were suppose to go isnt so anymore.
Now, at those times where I had to choose and chose that path that led to success I always left others in my dust. It didn't bother me at the time because like I said I was a selfish bitch, someone I had to be to survive. So the title of Best Fried never fell to anyone in my life. Yes I had friends, yes I was somewhat popular but, no one really knew the real me. No one knew about my bouts of depression, no one knew about my home life and what went on there. They all just saw what I wanted them to see and it took someone who I hold close to my heart telling me about her problems for me to realise that I have completely shut down. This shouldn't be, I am supposed to have felt her pain right? Her struggles? Something.... but all I did was the usual shit people normally do when a relative dies and strangers walk up to you and try to comfort you.
We have known each other just about six years now and I have never met anyone more loyal. I would say she is my best friend, I don't know what I am to her seeing as not everyone thinks on the same wave length. Whatever, time will tell right? What I do know is that ever since we had that heart to heart I have been feeling really shitty, like a cold has settled on me and will not go away. I keep going back to those days where she was going through all those horrible things yet she still came to school with a smile on her face with no one the wiser. Guilt is a forefront emotion with me, took me years to realise that my mother saw that first and has been using it to her advantage, so now that I know about my friends past pain I keep remembering those time I was exceptionally bitchy to her during that period. I was wrapped up in my own bubble that was my life that I didn't notice she was crying on the inside while laughing on the out.
In a sense nothing can be done for me at this point so waiting on someone to swoop in and make me human again is nothing but a pipe dream but for her I can somewhat drive up in a taxi and do what I can. I know I have it in me somewhere, that little something that bursts forth when someone is in need and it has the power to settle a storm. I know its not my words cuz that seems to only work properly when I have time to think about it and write it down, so leaning in that direction seems a little a cheesy and lazy to me.
But my written words are all I have to offer, what more is there to give when I can't even pin down the right emotion needed to sound sincere? What do I have to do to get over this hurdle that is my single minded thinking and selfishness to be of any use to someone in need? I have never asked for help before, as you know the people I grew up around shut that down years ago so when the thought of even looking someone in the eye and saying those two words, (HELP ME!) I break out in a sweat and make my self busy just to forget that thought even crossed my mind.
I remember after she finished telling her story and how she felt, I said to her that for something that happened so long ago to make her cry now by just telling the story must be something that is still bothering her to this day. That maybe she should confront the people who gave her such a large scar on her heart. They may think its trivial but once its off her chest there is chance she might feel better.
Advice was all I could have given at the time and it wasn't something I just pulled out of a hat, it came from doing the same thing myself. I confronted my biggest demon and I told her what she did, said and didn't do and being the demon that she was my problem was of no concern to her but at least I got it off my chest, at least now she knows and I feel better just knowing she knows. I had kept all my thoughts and emotions bottled up and tucked safely on a shelf marked DONT TOUCH: FRAGILE for so long that it took me seeing a really depressing movie for that bottle to move and shatter causing me to get cut all over. I cried, and cried until three hours later I wiped my tears and just sat there wondering what the fuck I was crying about. Not knowing it was practically everything.
At the beginning I wrote that I have a goal, a goal that helps me make life changing decisions easy for me, I believe its this one goal that has kept me alive to this day, smiling, breathing, meeting amazing people. Maybe I should have told her to create one of her own, get a broom and start knocking all those fragile bottles off that shelf and replace them with just one made out of plexi glass or whatever Batman used to make his windscreen. Put that one goal in there and keep looking to it for direction, that easy decision maker because there is nothing wrong with being selfish once in a while I would say its the best cure for depression and a really good ass hole repellent.
A quiet woman
A woman that never has good things to say
I want to be a good woman
A cherished woman
One who has no one held at bay
I can see this wonderful woman
This amazing woman
Just skipping and smiling just out of reach
But the road she is on is for a strong woman
A confidant woman
That woman who has something to teach
I just made that up in one minute. I started my Bachelors this month and one of my classes is an introductory class to poetry. To be honest the last time I did poetry was in form 1, ions ago. So with this class I'm behaving like those really depressing song writers and I have been writing about my life in songs and poetry.
It is really annoying. At least the ice-woman in me believes that.
Since this blog is about experiences and new things for me, I want to get something out of my system. I have a really fucked up way I view life in general. I know this, and I am at least sure that 50% of the people I associate with know this. I'm not some emo chick who goes around talking bout death and shit all day its just that I have become so good at suppressing my true self that this avatar I created so long ago that is so good at socializing with people is beginning to overtake my true personality and lately I don't even know where is up anymore.
That little poem I wrote is an example of what I am struggling with right now. Ever since I realized parents lie just about everything to their kids just so that they can get compliance from them I created a life goal for myself. And whenever I was stuck in a situation that required I choose a certain path, I always looked back on that goal and my path became clear to me. That goal was, and still is to some degree, to graduate from university, find that perfect career, build my dream home and settle down. I am sure almost every child has said such things before in their lifetime and some have achieved it and others have only gotten so far.
I am still working my way through all the fudder that got thrown at me when I graduated secondary school so my plans got mixed up a little and the order in which things were suppose to go isnt so anymore.
Now, at those times where I had to choose and chose that path that led to success I always left others in my dust. It didn't bother me at the time because like I said I was a selfish bitch, someone I had to be to survive. So the title of Best Fried never fell to anyone in my life. Yes I had friends, yes I was somewhat popular but, no one really knew the real me. No one knew about my bouts of depression, no one knew about my home life and what went on there. They all just saw what I wanted them to see and it took someone who I hold close to my heart telling me about her problems for me to realise that I have completely shut down. This shouldn't be, I am supposed to have felt her pain right? Her struggles? Something.... but all I did was the usual shit people normally do when a relative dies and strangers walk up to you and try to comfort you.
We have known each other just about six years now and I have never met anyone more loyal. I would say she is my best friend, I don't know what I am to her seeing as not everyone thinks on the same wave length. Whatever, time will tell right? What I do know is that ever since we had that heart to heart I have been feeling really shitty, like a cold has settled on me and will not go away. I keep going back to those days where she was going through all those horrible things yet she still came to school with a smile on her face with no one the wiser. Guilt is a forefront emotion with me, took me years to realise that my mother saw that first and has been using it to her advantage, so now that I know about my friends past pain I keep remembering those time I was exceptionally bitchy to her during that period. I was wrapped up in my own bubble that was my life that I didn't notice she was crying on the inside while laughing on the out.
In a sense nothing can be done for me at this point so waiting on someone to swoop in and make me human again is nothing but a pipe dream but for her I can somewhat drive up in a taxi and do what I can. I know I have it in me somewhere, that little something that bursts forth when someone is in need and it has the power to settle a storm. I know its not my words cuz that seems to only work properly when I have time to think about it and write it down, so leaning in that direction seems a little a cheesy and lazy to me.
But my written words are all I have to offer, what more is there to give when I can't even pin down the right emotion needed to sound sincere? What do I have to do to get over this hurdle that is my single minded thinking and selfishness to be of any use to someone in need? I have never asked for help before, as you know the people I grew up around shut that down years ago so when the thought of even looking someone in the eye and saying those two words, (HELP ME!) I break out in a sweat and make my self busy just to forget that thought even crossed my mind.
I remember after she finished telling her story and how she felt, I said to her that for something that happened so long ago to make her cry now by just telling the story must be something that is still bothering her to this day. That maybe she should confront the people who gave her such a large scar on her heart. They may think its trivial but once its off her chest there is chance she might feel better.
Advice was all I could have given at the time and it wasn't something I just pulled out of a hat, it came from doing the same thing myself. I confronted my biggest demon and I told her what she did, said and didn't do and being the demon that she was my problem was of no concern to her but at least I got it off my chest, at least now she knows and I feel better just knowing she knows. I had kept all my thoughts and emotions bottled up and tucked safely on a shelf marked DONT TOUCH: FRAGILE for so long that it took me seeing a really depressing movie for that bottle to move and shatter causing me to get cut all over. I cried, and cried until three hours later I wiped my tears and just sat there wondering what the fuck I was crying about. Not knowing it was practically everything.
At the beginning I wrote that I have a goal, a goal that helps me make life changing decisions easy for me, I believe its this one goal that has kept me alive to this day, smiling, breathing, meeting amazing people. Maybe I should have told her to create one of her own, get a broom and start knocking all those fragile bottles off that shelf and replace them with just one made out of plexi glass or whatever Batman used to make his windscreen. Put that one goal in there and keep looking to it for direction, that easy decision maker because there is nothing wrong with being selfish once in a while I would say its the best cure for depression and a really good ass hole repellent.
Tuesday, 11 August 2015
Anime Review: The Seven Deadly Sins (Nanatsu no Taizai)
I just like noticed that I have never really done an anime/manga review before even though I have practically ranted and raved on and on about TV Shows and Movies. So recently a friend suggested The Seven Deadly Sins to me because since my circle of friends are made up of anime obsessed people not knowing about the latest is sought of a bore during hang outs. You become the odd one out. So I took a dive and watched episode 1 in which turned into episode two then 24. It was an epic adventure I tell you.
As you know I am a romantic at heart so my gushing at this show has basis. I always thought that having a show centered around a strong bond for someone makes it more interesting. The couples were all matched perfectly.
Not only that but I think that the fight scenes were epic-ally done. Also the comedy was spot on so you know I was wholly entertained.
Have a look see and tell me what you think.
- The "Seven Deadly Sins," a group of evil knights who conspired to overthrow the kingdom of Britannia, were said to have been eradicated by the Holy Knights, although some claim that they still live. Ten years later, the Holy Knights have staged a Coup d'état and assassinated the king, becoming the new, tyrannical rulers of the kingdom. Elizabeth, the king's only daughter, sets out on a journey to find the "Seven Deadly Sins," and to enlist their help in taking back the kingdom.
- The Seven Deadly Sins were once an active group of knights in the region of Britannia, who disbanded after they supposedly plotted to overthrow the Liones Kingdom. Their supposed defeat came at the hands of the Holy Knights, but rumors continued to persist that they were still alive. Ten years later, the Holy Knights staged a coup d'état and captured the king, becoming the new, tyrannical rulers of the kingdom. The third princess, Elizabeth, then starts out on a journey to find the Seven Deadly Sins and enlist their help in taking back the kingdom.
As you know I am a romantic at heart so my gushing at this show has basis. I always thought that having a show centered around a strong bond for someone makes it more interesting. The couples were all matched perfectly.
Not only that but I think that the fight scenes were epic-ally done. Also the comedy was spot on so you know I was wholly entertained.
Have a look see and tell me what you think.
Friday, 10 July 2015
Ignorance Really Is Bliss
Life hit me curve ball some days ago. Someone I knew for a good portion of my life came out as gay, but what really threw me off was the way he did it and me finding out. All through our school lives he had been teased and bullied from the way he spoke and carried about himself, so in true Trini fashion kids took those things and ran with it. I'm not a judgemental person when it comes to people and their personal affairs. I already have so much shit on my plate, why add other people's own?
This way of living has gotten me this far why change it? So when they spewed hateful words at him, I jumped in and defended and when they got physical I jumped in and got murderous. In all honesty it didn't and still doesn't matter to me what was and what is his sexual orientation, what mattered and matters is that through all that verbal back and forth we got in with people attacking him and detention hours I got put in because I got into a fight over someone harassing him he didn't deem it important to tell me, his friend that he preferred someone of the same gender. Granted, it wouldn't have changed anything it just would have been nice to know.
No, he waited years to suddenly cut off all communication with me and then take to social media to advertise his preferences for the whole of Trinidad and Tobago to see. And to put the icing on the cake, befriend people who would throw him to the dogs the minute gay rights become a thing in this country. (I give it a year, trini ppl just love America so much just about everything they do is considered innovation to us).
When said admission was posted on the net, everyone who knew me and knew we used to talk started asking questions and began speaking to me like I was an idiot for not noticing. But look at it from my perspective, why would I just jump to the conclusion that he liked boys when the words never came out of his mouth? That's labelling isn't it? To this day I'm still being labelled so doing it to someone else is just retarded.
That's like saying 'that's racist' to everything a person not of your race just because.
I have no problem with gay people, lets just get that out there, to put it simply I don't give a fuck. What I can't take is homosexual individuals knowing they like the company of other men but dig this deep hole of denial and lay in it until they are covered by so much dirt it becomes harder and harder for them to breathe until they just burst out coughing up secrets and admissions and expect everyone to roll with it. This is my one and only negative thing I have seen with a lot of gay individuals. Seeking relationships with straight people only to say otherwise when a lot of time has passed between them and feelings and future plans has been invested and made.
Don't let your imagination run wild with you now, this has never happened to me, but it could you never know. As you can see my Gay-dar SUCKS!
I got into a heated argument just the other day with some co-workers about this very same thing. I made a statement about beating a guy senseless if he ever told me he was gay after years of being in a relationship. My co-worker jumped in and started defending all of MAN-kind. In his argument he is saying that women is so quick to condemn when in all reality we do it more than men.
We went on and on for a good hour, only for him to realise that I wasn't disputing his claim but agreeing. I'm not frontin', I know damn well we women are tricky creatures. People always jump in with extra shit to say when they didn't even listen to what you said in the first place.
Another example of this was when I used to work at a gym. I always used to get into friendly arguments with the gym members and it only got nasty when the topic of religion and homosexuality came up, which was often because it was a gym and people tend to believe that big muscles equal right to state your outrageous opinions and body shaming. I once asked a friend why the gay rights talk had her in such a tizzy? I mean it's not like it had anything to do with her. Immediately I realised the error of my ways because the scriptures and the 'hell burning' lecture began.
I literally didn't get a chance to put in my two cents. Suddenly a lady nearby jumped into the fray and she started to condemn any and everything not Christian. After when she took a breath and I simply said, "Ok, I understand what you are saying from a biblical point of view, I'm not fighting that because I'm not really religious but, what I am saying is that whether homosexuals are given rights or not doesn't change anything because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Giving them rights isn't going to activate some homophobic micro-chip in their head indicating their whereabouts. You all just like making noise for making noise sake."
That of course brought on another long ass lecture. So to make my point more common sense to her I pitched forward a SCENARIO.
"Ok, let me ask you something. what do you think about adoption?"
I got some lame ass answer about giving a child a chance.
"Okay, now what do you think about a homosexual couple adopting a child?"
This is exactly what this woman said to me, "No that isn't right, that is wrong because you don't know what they will do to child, anything can happen."
"So what you are saying is all gays are out to do perverted things to children and convert them to their lifestyle?"
"What I am saying the lord..." I cut her off right there.
"Are you willing to take in a child from a Home?"
"Yes, yes I am. But..." Cut her off again.
"So you are willing to offer a child or children a home, warm bed and food since you know what all round love and acceptance is, great, you know who also wants to offer a child a home, warm bed and food coupled with well rounded love and acceptance? A gay couple."
"Like I said..." you thought right I cut her off again.
"The only difference is that it might be two guys or two women who are offering these things, you are so wrapped up in your own little world to notice that a lot of children are suffering in these horrible places everyday while you are out here spending money to workout for a week and preaching about love and acceptance while condemning people to witch trial burnings. These people might be different but they also want the chance to nurture a life and can very well do it because we ain't."
She left after that mumbling something about something or the other. I said 'we' because in all honesty I am in no position to adopt anyone, I can't even see about myself, I still have problems tieing my shoe.
What I'm trying and failing to say is that even though one might love out of the ordinary that doesn't give other's the right to condemn. In every situation there is always an upside, and I choose to live be seeing the upside to everything because if I don't what is there to look for really?
My ex-friend should have told me, he should have given me a chance. But I also understand why he didn't tell me, he might have thought I would have turned around and stabbed him in the back like many others. Still doesn't change the fact though.
Sigh.... Maybe I should just go talk to him. What do you think?
This way of living has gotten me this far why change it? So when they spewed hateful words at him, I jumped in and defended and when they got physical I jumped in and got murderous. In all honesty it didn't and still doesn't matter to me what was and what is his sexual orientation, what mattered and matters is that through all that verbal back and forth we got in with people attacking him and detention hours I got put in because I got into a fight over someone harassing him he didn't deem it important to tell me, his friend that he preferred someone of the same gender. Granted, it wouldn't have changed anything it just would have been nice to know.
No, he waited years to suddenly cut off all communication with me and then take to social media to advertise his preferences for the whole of Trinidad and Tobago to see. And to put the icing on the cake, befriend people who would throw him to the dogs the minute gay rights become a thing in this country. (I give it a year, trini ppl just love America so much just about everything they do is considered innovation to us).
When said admission was posted on the net, everyone who knew me and knew we used to talk started asking questions and began speaking to me like I was an idiot for not noticing. But look at it from my perspective, why would I just jump to the conclusion that he liked boys when the words never came out of his mouth? That's labelling isn't it? To this day I'm still being labelled so doing it to someone else is just retarded.
That's like saying 'that's racist' to everything a person not of your race just because.
I have no problem with gay people, lets just get that out there, to put it simply I don't give a fuck. What I can't take is homosexual individuals knowing they like the company of other men but dig this deep hole of denial and lay in it until they are covered by so much dirt it becomes harder and harder for them to breathe until they just burst out coughing up secrets and admissions and expect everyone to roll with it. This is my one and only negative thing I have seen with a lot of gay individuals. Seeking relationships with straight people only to say otherwise when a lot of time has passed between them and feelings and future plans has been invested and made.
Don't let your imagination run wild with you now, this has never happened to me, but it could you never know. As you can see my Gay-dar SUCKS!
I got into a heated argument just the other day with some co-workers about this very same thing. I made a statement about beating a guy senseless if he ever told me he was gay after years of being in a relationship. My co-worker jumped in and started defending all of MAN-kind. In his argument he is saying that women is so quick to condemn when in all reality we do it more than men.
We went on and on for a good hour, only for him to realise that I wasn't disputing his claim but agreeing. I'm not frontin', I know damn well we women are tricky creatures. People always jump in with extra shit to say when they didn't even listen to what you said in the first place.
Another example of this was when I used to work at a gym. I always used to get into friendly arguments with the gym members and it only got nasty when the topic of religion and homosexuality came up, which was often because it was a gym and people tend to believe that big muscles equal right to state your outrageous opinions and body shaming. I once asked a friend why the gay rights talk had her in such a tizzy? I mean it's not like it had anything to do with her. Immediately I realised the error of my ways because the scriptures and the 'hell burning' lecture began.
I literally didn't get a chance to put in my two cents. Suddenly a lady nearby jumped into the fray and she started to condemn any and everything not Christian. After when she took a breath and I simply said, "Ok, I understand what you are saying from a biblical point of view, I'm not fighting that because I'm not really religious but, what I am saying is that whether homosexuals are given rights or not doesn't change anything because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Giving them rights isn't going to activate some homophobic micro-chip in their head indicating their whereabouts. You all just like making noise for making noise sake."
That of course brought on another long ass lecture. So to make my point more common sense to her I pitched forward a SCENARIO.
"Ok, let me ask you something. what do you think about adoption?"
I got some lame ass answer about giving a child a chance.
"Okay, now what do you think about a homosexual couple adopting a child?"
This is exactly what this woman said to me, "No that isn't right, that is wrong because you don't know what they will do to child, anything can happen."
"So what you are saying is all gays are out to do perverted things to children and convert them to their lifestyle?"
"What I am saying the lord..." I cut her off right there.
"Are you willing to take in a child from a Home?"
"Yes, yes I am. But..." Cut her off again.
"So you are willing to offer a child or children a home, warm bed and food since you know what all round love and acceptance is, great, you know who also wants to offer a child a home, warm bed and food coupled with well rounded love and acceptance? A gay couple."
"Like I said..." you thought right I cut her off again.
"The only difference is that it might be two guys or two women who are offering these things, you are so wrapped up in your own little world to notice that a lot of children are suffering in these horrible places everyday while you are out here spending money to workout for a week and preaching about love and acceptance while condemning people to witch trial burnings. These people might be different but they also want the chance to nurture a life and can very well do it because we ain't."
She left after that mumbling something about something or the other. I said 'we' because in all honesty I am in no position to adopt anyone, I can't even see about myself, I still have problems tieing my shoe.
What I'm trying and failing to say is that even though one might love out of the ordinary that doesn't give other's the right to condemn. In every situation there is always an upside, and I choose to live be seeing the upside to everything because if I don't what is there to look for really?
My ex-friend should have told me, he should have given me a chance. But I also understand why he didn't tell me, he might have thought I would have turned around and stabbed him in the back like many others. Still doesn't change the fact though.
Sigh.... Maybe I should just go talk to him. What do you think?
Thursday, 18 June 2015
CRUSHES BEING CRUSHED
So I noticed something while I was travelling the other day. Back in my school days even though it was just a few years ago, the things girls are doing now were considered a crime back then. But even though such thing as modesty and dignity is being diluted with the years, the one thing time will never get rid of is a school girls crush. Yeah I said it.
Who hasn't had a crush? I mean I have dated but never with someone I had interest with at first. They were always the aggressor. Who am I to say no?Anyway, I believe that having a crush is a sacred thing. It is like a rite of passage, a coming of age, a sign of things to come for a young girl. I say this to you because the first time I realized I really liked a boy my entire demeanor and attitude towards life changed, I embraced my femininity. Lip gloss, crossing my legs, putting effort into not unraveling my hair and taking off my school shirt to go play catch in the bush, not getting into fights every single day. My mother enjoyed that one.
Even though I did all those drastic things I am fairly sure he had no idea I existed but who cares? It was all about the adventure anyway. The countless hours spent daydreaming about each other in a disney movie, a disney song, a friggin disney cartoon. The adrenaline rush from having him look at you for even a second even though he was probably staring at something behind you and lets not forget the haggling you encounter when your friends get a whiff of your weakness just to use it against you every second of the day just to shut you up.
I might have had countless boyfriends but I can honestly say I have only ever had three crushes. Rare as they were for me I was so committed that if any of them had gotten a whiff of my true intentions I would have been committed.
Nahhhh..... it wasn't so bad. Maybe, I can't say. Whatever.
To this day I'm still hung up on my first crush though, he can also be counted as my first love. It's weird really because we never had conversations further than our school lives. That and the endless amount of awkward silence encounters we endured over the years and it was always on my part. Being speechless is a bitch I tell you.
I believe this picture describes our relationship.
Those pics are classic. Story of my life then. It subsided really when I moved to another school and so did he. That and the fact that I may have been crushing on a boy before but at my new school my second crush was like a man to me. My god when I saw him for the first time I think some of my brain cells died. My first week there I didn't hear a thing my teacher said, my ears automatically closed the minute I sat down and my eye sight got sharper so that I could see every freckle on his face from my classroom across from him. He was 2 standards up from me (I was in standard 3 and he was in standard 5) so yeah I liked and older guy. I didn't get my glasses until form 2 so I had to go to extreme measures to get a proper look at him. So covertly standing near where ever he was and squinting at him when he wasn't looking was how I spent my lunch time for a while.
He had an exotic look to him, somewhere between Indian and Chinese and being ignorant to culture at the time he was also very fascinating. It didn't last long though, my fascination. Being in an higher standard he was looking for girls with boobs and slender calves. While I had more pecs than my brothers due to all the sports and calves of steel. So I said farewell to him and his beautiful curly hair and put all my attention into my cricket games. I did see him and few years later for my graduation though. He was outside the school with a bunch of other guys scoping out the fresh meat now graduated. Even though it was creepy when he smiled at me and said my name I almost sat in his lap. But common sense prevailed, that and the fact that my mother's right hand of discipline was on my shoulder.
Now, my secondary school days were fairly boring because it was just work and school clubs like all the time, that and the fact that I was practically a minority in that school. All the guys of African descent were either rude, very talkative or in the other school next door and I had a very distinct hatred for anyone in that school.
Crush number three was in my class at my secondary school for three years. And that three years I was taught the term "friend zone". He was my ideal guy. Tall, muscled, kind, smart and had the cutest baby face. But, I apparently wasn't his type. His type was short, thin, fair and whole heartedly annoying. Not buxom (been maintaining a C- cup since beginning of school term), black, sporty and crazy. But even though I dreamt about stripping and taking advantage of him all the time we still maintained a good friendship.
After that I just basically yelled to the world FUCK IT! I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY ANYMORE!
Looking back on it now I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing for the world because such things have made me into the woman I am today.
If more girls embraced their inner stalker girl in love they would understand that its okay to dream about a guy if the situation isn't to your favor because in time you realise that these "what if" make believe dreams are playouts of things you genuinely look for in a guy. They are the preparations for future events. Diving into the world of love and skin ship head first isn't the only way to experience things. You gradually have to grow into it.
But like every teenager would say WHAT DO I KNOW? I'm just a nut who investigates her crushes.
Who hasn't had a crush? I mean I have dated but never with someone I had interest with at first. They were always the aggressor. Who am I to say no?Anyway, I believe that having a crush is a sacred thing. It is like a rite of passage, a coming of age, a sign of things to come for a young girl. I say this to you because the first time I realized I really liked a boy my entire demeanor and attitude towards life changed, I embraced my femininity. Lip gloss, crossing my legs, putting effort into not unraveling my hair and taking off my school shirt to go play catch in the bush, not getting into fights every single day. My mother enjoyed that one.
Even though I did all those drastic things I am fairly sure he had no idea I existed but who cares? It was all about the adventure anyway. The countless hours spent daydreaming about each other in a disney movie, a disney song, a friggin disney cartoon. The adrenaline rush from having him look at you for even a second even though he was probably staring at something behind you and lets not forget the haggling you encounter when your friends get a whiff of your weakness just to use it against you every second of the day just to shut you up.
I might have had countless boyfriends but I can honestly say I have only ever had three crushes. Rare as they were for me I was so committed that if any of them had gotten a whiff of my true intentions I would have been committed.
Nahhhh..... it wasn't so bad. Maybe, I can't say. Whatever.
To this day I'm still hung up on my first crush though, he can also be counted as my first love. It's weird really because we never had conversations further than our school lives. That and the endless amount of awkward silence encounters we endured over the years and it was always on my part. Being speechless is a bitch I tell you.
I believe this picture describes our relationship.
Those pics are classic. Story of my life then. It subsided really when I moved to another school and so did he. That and the fact that I may have been crushing on a boy before but at my new school my second crush was like a man to me. My god when I saw him for the first time I think some of my brain cells died. My first week there I didn't hear a thing my teacher said, my ears automatically closed the minute I sat down and my eye sight got sharper so that I could see every freckle on his face from my classroom across from him. He was 2 standards up from me (I was in standard 3 and he was in standard 5) so yeah I liked and older guy. I didn't get my glasses until form 2 so I had to go to extreme measures to get a proper look at him. So covertly standing near where ever he was and squinting at him when he wasn't looking was how I spent my lunch time for a while.
He had an exotic look to him, somewhere between Indian and Chinese and being ignorant to culture at the time he was also very fascinating. It didn't last long though, my fascination. Being in an higher standard he was looking for girls with boobs and slender calves. While I had more pecs than my brothers due to all the sports and calves of steel. So I said farewell to him and his beautiful curly hair and put all my attention into my cricket games. I did see him and few years later for my graduation though. He was outside the school with a bunch of other guys scoping out the fresh meat now graduated. Even though it was creepy when he smiled at me and said my name I almost sat in his lap. But common sense prevailed, that and the fact that my mother's right hand of discipline was on my shoulder.
Now, my secondary school days were fairly boring because it was just work and school clubs like all the time, that and the fact that I was practically a minority in that school. All the guys of African descent were either rude, very talkative or in the other school next door and I had a very distinct hatred for anyone in that school.
Crush number three was in my class at my secondary school for three years. And that three years I was taught the term "friend zone". He was my ideal guy. Tall, muscled, kind, smart and had the cutest baby face. But, I apparently wasn't his type. His type was short, thin, fair and whole heartedly annoying. Not buxom (been maintaining a C- cup since beginning of school term), black, sporty and crazy. But even though I dreamt about stripping and taking advantage of him all the time we still maintained a good friendship.
After that I just basically yelled to the world FUCK IT! I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY ANYMORE!
Looking back on it now I can honestly say I wouldn't change a thing for the world because such things have made me into the woman I am today.
If more girls embraced their inner stalker girl in love they would understand that its okay to dream about a guy if the situation isn't to your favor because in time you realise that these "what if" make believe dreams are playouts of things you genuinely look for in a guy. They are the preparations for future events. Diving into the world of love and skin ship head first isn't the only way to experience things. You gradually have to grow into it.
But like every teenager would say WHAT DO I KNOW? I'm just a nut who investigates her crushes.
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