My Variety Of EXES!!

I HAVE HAD SOME ROCKY RELATIONSHIPS Y'ALL.

When I'm done here you would think I was some kind of crazy. Today I am going to be listing and categorizing the different types of boyfriends I have had over the course of my 21 years on this earth. This is a little something someone emailed me about so here it goes.

no. 1.
The Recluse

He was my very first relationship. Granted this was in second year but I had him on lock. It was fairly easy to get him to follow my every command seeing he was a special kind of special. He would sit in his seat all day until the bell rang to go home. He would have very interesting conversations with his stationary when he thinks no one is looking. Also he always had a pack of pencils on hand so when his special-ness got to be too much he would take one out and sharpen it to the eraser and write with it. I made him a project of such, you know to integrate him into the school life. I was such a Samaritan back then. That was when I realized I liked them a little damaged. Sadly that didn't last too long because we moved.

no. 2.
The Attention Seeker

Now this one was cutie, met him in standard one. Fun guy to be around but my god half the time I felt like a wife and he was the husband whose eyes couldn't stick to one girl. He would do some stupid things to make people laugh like get up during class and urinate through the window. At first I thought he was a bad boy with a ADD problem, you know my kind of thing but that fizzled out real fast real quick. That and he was with some other girl behind my back.

no.3
The Insecure Giver

*SIGH* I miss this one. He was a giver alright, mainly because he was insecure about his looks so he compensated with buying people things. Don't judge, pennacool was expensive back then. And coincidentally he was Mr. Attention Seeker's cousin. Met him in Standard two, we broke up because he got an asthma attack and I almost left him to die. I mean if you knew you couldn't eat a certain fruit, why eat it and expect people to react like we are on Grey's Anatomy. We were going about for a while he was supposed to know he was gonna die.

After that one I hadn't dated in while, because my school at the had to be demolished and everyone was sent to different primary schools. So all through out standard 3 to 5 I was single. Granted I had a torrid affair from our enemy school during that time. A lot of cloak and dagger stuff.

Soooo....

no.4
Form 3 came and met me with The Smotherer.

He is the guy who would call every hour on the hour to talk to you. Meet you at you maxi drop off to walk you home so he could talk to you. Send you phonecards so that you wouldn't have the excuse of no credit to talk to you. It got so bad I literally had to run away to my dads house just to have an excuse not to go to the movies with him and his ratchet friends for the umpteenth time. And when we broke up you could have sworn he caught me in bed with the Cool-Aid guy with the way he screwed up his face everytime he sees me.

no. 5
The Lover

He is the guy I could have actually fell for if I didn't have so many things hanging over my head. That and the fact that he was living in Princess Town and me in Port of Spain. He was kind, patient, a good listener and would do anything to please me. But, I messed it up I admit so he probably screws up his face every time he sees me.

That concludes it in a way. Those of you who knows me know that there is more but they aren't exactly in the relationship category but in more like the flirt and make out category.

I had my days, I wasn't always the wonderful person I am today. Until next time I bid you goodbye!

Loneliness? What's that?

What would it take for a person to admit they are lonely? I mean it can't just be not being involved with someone can it? That's just plain stupid.
Loneliness to me is a non-existent thing,but you guys already know I am a robot so my views doesn't count but I met someone the other day and she let out this sigh I could have sworn a little bit longer she could have killed all the trees with the overtime they would have to put in to produce more oxygen.
She said she was lonely, I asked why, she looked at me like I was crazy, I said 'bitch I can't read minds!" then she pinched me but that's beside the point.
"I have to find myself a boyfriend because Friday nights are hell."
That is the first time I had ever heard someone make a Friday night sound so simple so I was like

But she was so serious. You are lonely so you deduce that to not having companionship? This is why we get men who abuse us with nine different personalities that only appear when you piss off one.

I mean, read a book, play a game, masturbate for all I care, don't drop all your walls and standards because you are home and fell like conversing with someone of the opposite sex and probably get something a little later if you know what I mean. Use them for what they made for I say.

What I am getting at is that I have seen a lot of relationships fail this way, lives destroyed, people getting fat because lives were destroyed so they turned to food.

Not only that but when you go fishing this Friday or any other day for that matter and you do meet someone, you guys hit it off, start to talk and have fun. Then somewhere down the line you realize he is an idiot, you can't remember what you liked about him or he has a third ball. You end up that chick who is always at the bar man surfing until you come to this stupid conclusion that maybe a dick isn't what I want, lets try boobs and a vagina tonight and see if it's to my liking. Don't hate, this happens more than you realize.

You know what I think, this problem stems from childhood. Where all these fairy tales and cartoons brainwash young girls with damsels in distress and knights in shining armor. Well you better get that shit out of your head because it ain't real.

So when you see it happening again, that instant where you think you need companionship to break your imaginary loneliness young one I need you to rebuke it, rebuke it like a true black woman rebukes non 100% Brazilian weave, rebuke it like our Prime Minister rebukes walking more than a block. Also rebuke it like your Satan rebukes your Bible.

That's all for now, bye!

Nothing Better Than Bush Food And A Movie

I love Callaloo. Anybody who doesn't like Callaloo is an idiot. You know what I like about Callaloo, you can practically just put any kind of greens in it and it will ultimately taste like the best bush food you have ever eaten.
Don't bash my way of cooking, it is all about the taste.




You can also use it as a way to describe how I live my life. I partake in any and everything at least once, and I also put this type of thinking into what type of movies or tv shows I watch. I am a movie freak. Ask my cousins, their nick name for me was TV FREAK back in the day. Yeah they weren't very creative.
Multi-cultural shows are the best. People tend to drift towards the Asian aspects of shows sometimes and I just noticed that the Indian Media Market is booming these days with foreigners. Personally I can't stand it, every 5 minute of the show they practically show you every pore on the actors face with the amount of face shots they do. Over and over again. 30 minutes of face shots 30 minutes of really really bad acting.

But to each his own so, today I am going to be blogging about the different types of tv shows or movies I have watched over the years that have caught my eye and enjoyed.

 First up is Sarafina. This was my very first taste of a musical actually, back in the day. TV 6 was showing it sometime around one of our many many holidays and I was hooked.

"The plot centers on students involved in the Soweto Riots, in opposition to the implementation of Afrikaans as the language of instruction in schools. The character Sarafina (Leleti Khumalo) feels shame at her mother's (Miriam Makeba) acceptance of her role as domestic servant in a white household in apartheid South Africa, and inspires her peers to rise up in protest, especially after her inspirational teacher, Mary Masombuka (Whoopi Goldberg) is imprisoned."

This was released in 1992 in South Africa and was well received and personally I would categorize it as Whoopi's best work like ever, well after The Color Purple that is.

Ok so second on the list we have Vampire High. This is Canadian TV show I happened upon on one of my Friday nights raiding of the refrigerator and binge eating in front of the laptop.
The series made its debut on January 7th, 2002 in the USA and kind of disappeared after that. You have to watch it to understand. Now it isn't bad or anything it's just not this generations cup of tea.
When I started it it was just something to get me to sleep but as I went from episode to episode I kept having this nagging feeling that it reminded me of something then BAM! When Drew gave me a close up of those side burns

 and looked into the camera I had just about choked on my brothers cake he was trying to hide in the fridge. It was like watching a broken down version of Twilight. Just about made my night.
I have come to notice that Canadians have a thing for vampire shows, but I would categorize this as one of their most interesting.

"The opening title sequence featured Murdoch narrating the brief history of the experiment - "When The Great Eclipse plunged the world into darkness, the vampire race erupted in a civil war. The bloodthirsty 'Fury' battled the enlightened Elders for domination of the undead. In desperation, the Elders gathered up those young vampires that could be saved and entrusted them to me. To humanize them, to tame their instincts and teach them how to live among mortals."

Mansbridge Academy is a private boarding school, the last stop for troubled rich kids. The parents, not knowing what to do with the teens leave them at the secluded boarding school hoping for some resolution. But the main focus of the series is the school at night... five vampires; Drew, Karl, Essie, Marty and Merrill are also students at the school trying to become more civilized, from the instruction of Murdoch, the head teacher of Mansbridge Academy. Sent to the school by their Elders, the vampires try to come to terms with the problems that occur.

When we begin at the start of the series, we are introduced to Sherry, a mortal female who feels lost and lonely in life. Not only does she crave love but she needs it to survive but can only seek comfort in her best friend Mimi. Knowing her boyfriend Nick is not the person she is destined to be with Sherry spends her time working, thinking and recording her thoughts on a Dictaphone.

As night falls we are introduced to many vampire characters. Karl, the sporty, troublesome teen and the youngest of the vampires who yearns to return to his life as a human; meek Merrill who is smart and wants to do well, and dreams of making Drew her soulmate; popular and beautiful Essie, a royal by birth, hides her emotions behind a vain and fashionable exterior; bad boy Marty who only joined the experiment for the endless supply of free blood; and Drew, a dark and mysterious vampire who falls in love with the mortal student, Sherry."

Third on the list we have First Love also known as A Crazy Thing Called Love. A Taiwanese Movie that I have watched a total of six times. It was beautifully done and simply made because Taiwanese movies arn't known to be very compelling since they all act like they are on drugs half the time and the female actors have some high ass voices. But this movie really depicted what a first crush can turn into first love and then only love for some people and how it affects their lives and their inspirations.

A 2010 Thai Romantic Comedy film and also a 2011 sleeper hit film starring Mario Maurer and Pimchanok Luevisadpaibul. It took approximately 4 years to complete because they didn't want to change the actress who played the young girl Nam so they waited and groomed her to become a 'flower' and continue to do the older version of the character Nam. Dedication I tell you.

Fourth on the list is none other than Dance Hall Queen. A Jamaican Movie that came out in 1997.

"Marcia (Audrey Reid) green is a single mom and street vendor barely scraping by even with a financial assist from the seemingly avuncular Larry (Carl Davis), a gun-toting strongman with a twisted desire for Marcia's teenage daughter who then decides to pursue her, Tanya (Cherine Anderson). Complicating things is Priest (Paul Campbell), a murderous hood who killed Marcia's friend and now is terrorizing the defenseless woman. Facing three big problems—Larry, Priest, and a lack of money---Marcia arrives at an inspired solution: develop an alter ego, a dancing celebrity called the Mystery Lady who can compete in a cash-prize contest and put both of the men against one another. Which is exactly what she does, and it's great fun watching Marcia instigate her complicated plan with a little help from sympathetic friends."

I am not a lover of anything the Jamaican's bring out in the media, mainly because everything is so repetitive. But this movie made me laugh. The characters behaved like the roles they were playing were really their everyday life, not just something the woke up and started to read from a page.
They also touched on a few things that seem to be a norm in the households of single mothers whose sole worry is money first and their children second.

Last but not least we have I saw the Devil. Now don't let the name fool you there wasn't any satanic rituals or other hoopla just a simple man with a simple need for revenge.

I Saw the Devil (Hangul: 악마를 보았다; RR: Angmareul boatda) is a 2010 South Korean psychological thriller/horror film directed by Kim Ji-woon, written by Park Hoon-jung, and starring Choi Min-sik and Lee Byung-hun.

The film introduces the character of NIS agent Soo-hyun (Lee Byung-hun), who embarks on a quest of revenge when his fiancée is brutally murdered by a psychopathic murderer, Kyung-chul (Choi Min-sik). The line between good and evil begin to blur when the two play a dangerous game of cat and mouse.

I stumbled upon this one while going through my fathers pile of CD's. I mean the man hoards the stuff. I had just taken like four pain relievers and was walking on sunshine when I watched it so I watched again and again just to see that I wasn't hallucinating. 

Koreans to me have this way with thrillers. It's like they know what will make a seriously emotionless person's skin crawl and boy did it crawl. 

Even though he is like the senior to my senior, I would marry the man. Choi Min-Sik made me fall in love with him with this one movie and being the healthy stalker that I am I practically devoured all his movies from before to see if he was just as phenomenal. He did not disappoint. I tip my imaginary hat off to the fifth love of my life. 

Those of you who don't know who he is, it's the guy who acted as the drug lord in LUCY with Scarlett Johansson.

Cute isn't he?
So this concludes my love of Callaloo in foreign films for today, hope to be on later to blog away my life to you all. Cha-cha-cha-cheeah!

BOOKS GALORE and A Bowl of Cereal! ^-^

I haven't written anything in a while and I blame everything else but me. Makes things so much easier. You see a lot of thing's have happened over the period of these two months. Some good some bad and some just plain annoying.
I like to think sometimes that I am allowed to make decisions that benefit me in the long run and not what others think is the right thing to do and what makes them comfortable and PROUD.
Granted I am feeling a little regretful right now about what I had to do to basically survive I wouldn't change my decision even if I was given a do-over.
Okay so I have also come to the decision that my blog can't always be about what crazy thought that just happened to pass through my head during the day or what type of ignorant occurrence that spurred me to write. Leading me to write, ummm excuse me blog about the things I am currently involved in doing. You know like one of the many hobbies or extra-curricular activity I have involved myself in as to not go stir crazy.
Soooo, today it is going to be about a book series I just finished. Night Huntress Jeaniene Frost. Now I stumbled upon this book series when I was browsing the web looking for something interesting to read. In my opinion nothing makes a supernatural book more interesting than a little comedy. And this book had it by the bucket fulls.

The first installment is named Halfway to the Grave. Here is the summary.

Half-vampire Catherine Crawfield is going after the undead with a vengeance, hoping that one of these deadbeats is her father - the one responsible for ruining her mother's life. Then she's captured by Bones, a vampire bounty hunter, and is forced into an unholy partnership.

In exchange for finding her father, Cat agrees to train with the sexy night stalker until her battle reflexes are as sharp as his fangs. She's amazed she doesn't end up as his dinner - are there actually good vampires? Pretty soon Bones will have her convinced that being half-dead doesn't have to be all bad. But before she can enjoy her newfound status as kick-ass demon hunter, Cat and Bones are pursued by a group of killers. Now Cat will have to choose a side . . . and Bones is turning out to be as tempting as any man with a heartbeat.

So the summary is a little dry but when you really get into it, it's a hoot. Cat is a blushing 20 something year old who has nothing on her mind but kill kill kill. Just to get to the man who made her what she is and what he did to her crazy bible thumping mother.

Bones on the other is a 200 year vampire supernatural bounty hunter who only started toying with Cat because of what she was only to discover she was more than a ignorant girl with wicked aim.

This book hooked me so fast I probably broke a lot of laws getting the epubs to read. The fighting was brutal, the conversations were flowing, the characters were genius and the love between these two misfits was tolerable. Five starts from me.

I am also going to run through a few other series I read over the months since I had a lot, and when I say a lot I mean a lot of free time. Up next we have Jill Kismet by Lilith Saintcrow. 

Not everyone can take on the things that go bump in the night.

Not everyone tries.

But Jill Kismet is not just anyone.

She's a Hunter, trained by the best - and in over her head.

Welcome to the night shift...

I have got to say, Lilith was the first author to ever make me fall in love with strong female lead characters in novels. I had a phase, you know that phase where a disney movie felt like your life and a bubble gum song made your day. So when I got this book recommendation from a friend it literally changed my outlook and the roles of women in books and on screen or anywhere else for that matter. Jill was as bad ass as bad ass can be. It was either Yes or No with her, anything else was met with a bullet or her knives. OOOH SHE GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS.

Well, enough of that. Coming in at number three we have Soul Screamers by Rachel Vincent. Now this was your typical highschool drama mumble jumble but the plot of the book and the execution of the story is what got me hooked in the first place. That and the characters had you pulling out your hair and eating Zoomers like a crazy person while talking to yourself about fictional people. And that was only the first book.

She doesn't see dead people. She senses when someone near her is about to die. And when that happens, a force beyond her control compels her to scream bloody murder. Literally.

Kaylee just wants to enjoy having caught the attention of the hottest guy in school. But a normal date is hard to come by when Nash seems to know more about her need to scream than she does. And when classmates start dropping dead for no apparent reason, only Kaylee knows who'll be next.

Kaylee is Banshee, don't fret not a spoiler. Before this book the supernatural creature known as the Banshee was unknown to me, probably that's why I got so hooked on the book. Her screams can literally keep a person's soul in their body suspending death and saving people. AWESOME.

Finally the last series that I devoured over my mini holiday is Ben and Fran by Katie Maxwell.

I used to think all I wanted was to have a normal life. You know, where I could be one of the crowd and blend in, so no one would know just how different I am. But now I'm stuck in the middle of Hungary with my mom, working for a traveling fair with my psychics, magicians, and other really weird people, and somehow, blending in with this crowd doesn't look so good.

Fortunately, there's Benedikt. Yeah, he may be a vampire, but he has a motorcycle, he likes the mysterious horse I suddenly acquired, and best of all, he doesn't think I'm the least bit freaky. So I'm supposed to redeem his soul -- if his kisses are anything to go by, my new life may not be quite as bad as I imagined.

Just one word for this book JUSTSIMPLYEPIC. I couldn't understand why this book haven't been made into friggin movie. Just genius in words. Fran and Ben, if they were real this world would be a better place. Don't ask me what that means it just means what it means. Fran is a girl who has a gift to feel the emotions of those she touches and Ben is a Dark One or whatever or as we call it Vampire. But this book is so far from your typical teenage vampire bullshit I cried when I passed chapter one

So that concludes my book gushing for today. A little later I might be gushing about something else. Blog with later!

It's The Species Not The Brand

What is it with women and regrets? Is it like a genetic thing or is it something we pick up as we go along? I mean, we make decisions where it concerns others and when it comes time to accept the consequences of our actions we backtrack and try to go 50 50 to make our selves feel like we made progress.
Take for example women and relationships. I am the type who would break up with someone and then sit down and analyse why I did it and what to do next only to come to the conclusion that I made a mistake and maybe we could work through it then get back on the horse only to realise why I broke it off in the first place.
Then there are the women who take it upon themselves to bring life into this world only to use it as an excuse to gain some kind of freedom and leeway out of situations where they can get pity and assistance only for it to run dry and then turn around and try to go back to the time when it just was and stable.
Let's not forget the fakers. The ones who stomp on people to maintain this image of being on top of it, being there in the mix of things. But of course there comes a time where a person's moxxy is tested and they can't dig themselves out of the hole because they have no substance and depth to pull it off so they crawl back to the people ho was genuine toward them. Kind and understanding, willing to be a friend.
These are things you always see portrayed by women.
Always regretting our actions and decisions , believing there is some magical way to make it better and everyone including ourselves better.
It's shameless really, just another thing that makes us IMPERFECT.

The End and It's End

I always thought that when I die, the world would end with me. Such were The thinking of my young self. Just the thought of me leaving this world conjured up the image of everything else coming to a halt, a place with no continuation.
I mean, people die everyday, and this is something that took me a while to really figure out and let sink in. Mainly because in this life you see and hear of someone dying everyday and 2 minutes later it is a distant memory unless that person happened to cross your path when they were alive or you were related or connected somehow, then their sudden disappearance stirs something inside you that brings forth the emotions of sadness, grief, loneliness and misery.
Death, and what comes after?
Really nothing you do or who you talk to can answer that question now can they?
From reading my earlier blogs you can see that there was a time where ending my very existence was on top of my to do list on most days but now, the thought of closing my eyes and it not opening again scares the shit out of me.
I have so much to accomplish, so much to make for myself to the point that I can sit back and not worry because the creaking in my bones, the aches in my body and the callousness of my hands tells me everyday that did it. I accomplished what I set out to do so now I can close my eyes and go with the knowledge that Merlene Dunbar wasn't wasted, she used her 100 years to the fullest.
But this world isn't making it easy to fulfill this dream, everyday is new thing you have to look out or a new kind of crazy you have to avoid.
And the people, what is going on with the people? I thought that every generation produced a better brand of futuristics? A brand new set of thinkers whose goals aren't to appease but protect and heal?
I can't take it anymore, I can't take the constant struggle, this constant game of monopoly where everything is moved with money, made by money and has no cards that says STOP PLAYING: Games are for kids.
I mean, is it so bad for a person to want there to be an end?
The rules, the sucking up, the two-facing and the lies, just keeps getting longer and harder to maintain. But it is what the people want, what they crave to survive. Don't abide by it and you always find yourself at the end of the short stick.
So really, running around in a circle to find your niche while creating connections and trying to make a difference so that others can have a better chance at what you got is what 'life' is really about now isn't it.
Who ever looks you in the eye and says enjoying life to the fullest is what it is about is an ass and would probably be the one bad mouthing you at your funeral because stupid you would take their words to heart and go out and try to enjoy your life while ignoring the responsibilities handed down to you and somewhere or somehow they would catch up and you would be gone. With nothing to show for your life other than you 'lived it to the fullest'.
The end is the end and what can only change it is the end. Life is such a fickle thing, I wonder what is gonna happen tomorrow?

If Animals Could Talk

This is something that has always bothered me. Why it is that cats don't like me? That and babies but that is a story for another time.
See I have always had this silent war going on with cats, it's like in my past life I promised to have cats babies with a  certain male cat but then like a typical female I changed my mind when he was in heat and went with his brother or something and now the whole cat nation is trying to kill me because my before self went against the code.
Anyway, it all started with a cat called Pussin. Now Pussin was my grandmothers cat and the first cat I had ever made contact with, mainly because my father didn't like stray or any other animal around the house so it was like going to the zoo for my brothers and I any time we saw a new street animal.
Pussin and I met the night my mother left my father, while I was camping out the drawing room he came sauntering in like he owned the place, scratched my leg because I was blocking his was to under the couch and then sauntered off. It only went downhill after that. He would literally jump on my lamp like a ninja, steal the meat off my plate, run 2 meters away from me, sit on his behind and proceed to swallow it whole so that I saw. Then he would jump on the bed at night while I slept and stick his tail in my nose causing me to sneeze all night or pass his tail all over my face making me slap my forehead thinking it was a mosquito.
This may sound cartoonish to the average person but I lie to you not, this cat was as evil as its owner.
When he died if I was able to make a bonfire I would have danced around it all night eating chicken and ripping his favorite cushion to shreds.
Then there was a Misty, a female black and white cat that caught my fathers heart. Don't know how she did it, but she got admission into the man's home. When I had spent the summer vacation with him that year she was there, lying in the back room as she pleased just poppin out kittens and drinking up my milk. And to add insult to injury she would let my brothers play all soughts of acrobatic games with the kittens but when I just wanted to pet them she basically ran me down until I made it to the other side of the house.
Last but not least FAT SHIT. Fat Shit has been the bane of my existence since 2010. He reminds me of an Italian Mob boss with a long scar across his right eye given to him during a gang fight.
At night when I had projects he would sneakily climb onto my windowsil and just plaster his face onto the glass until I get that tingly feeling that someone is watching me, turn and scream my ass off.
At night he walks back and forth on my roof making creaking noises until I start to beg for him to stop or climb onto the roof and start a fight with him and his crew. Me with a broom against 6 big ass cats with claws, its a sight I tell you.
But that is not what this article is about, I have told you about their actions but sometimes I catch myself talking to them, having literal conversations. They don't talk back it's just their expressions talk for them, it's down right scary.
Every time I get super angry with the noise and I go on the roof to confront them, 4 of them have this look on their faces like they are laughing at me, 1 just sits there with this overly bored look on his face and FAT SHIT puts a paw out and cocks his head to side as if asking me 'what cha gone do pussy?'
People treat these animals like they are just decoration but I see them plotting, don't be surprised if you open the papers to the obits and see Merlene Dunbar 1993 - 2014 Death by Cat Assassination.
But it would be awesome if they could talk, at least I would know which one of them poops in front of my door every Friday night and covers it with fallen leaves.